Azaleas On Steroids

What a day!  The Boy and his problems, even 250 miles away they seem to follow me.  His cell phone died (he usually goes through 2 or 3 to my 1),  he decides that he needs to file income taxes even though he doesn't have a job and hasn't made any money last year (at least none that I know of), he has two holds on his college account and won't be able to register for Fall classes until hie takes care of them, and various other things that he wants me to take care of since he "doesn't have a cell phone" (even though he somehow managed to call me from his computer to complain about all the above things).  It's complicated.

I worked out this morning before trying to put out some of these fires, but I still needed to run, bike or swim or all of the above. (maybe all at the same time from the way I felt most of the day)  I finally made it outside this evening to get a short 4 mile run in before dark.  The rain has cleared up for now, but it was still very humid.  I felt much better afterward.  The azalea's in the yard are blooming like mad from all the rain.  It looks like we have azaleas on steroids in the yard.

Beautiful.

The Dogwood trees are blooming too.  And the yellow pollen has been washed away.  It's very nice.

Before long it will be time to uncover the pool.

Deep breath...

Serenity now!

Cadence Playing Bunny

Just as I took this picture of Cadence, he decides to jump up on the couch that is next to him.  This is all I managed to get - his hind legs hovering above the floor.  He looks like a bunny rabbit.

The Dolly Parton Bridge

General W.K. Wilson Jr. Bridge
aka Dolly Parton Bridge

It rained during the entire drive back home from the beach today.  We stopped along the way and took The Boy to lunch before we headed back.  At least the rain will wash some of the yellow pollen away just as we are getting home to the "ham".

It is amazing how much cleaner the air is at the coast.  My sore throat and sinus issues cleared up immediately and so did Ken's.  I hope the worst of the pollen has passed and we will have cleaner air.  (at least as "clean" as it can get here).

This is a bridge that is 20 miles north of Mobile, AL on Highway 65.  It spans the Mobile-Tensaw Delta and is about 7 miles long.  We travel across it whenever we head south to visit The Boy.  Ken says it's the ugliest bridge he's ever seen.  I think it's kind of neat the way it seems to appear out of nowhere as we get closer to it.  Out of curiosity, I googled it and found out that it is called the General W.K. Wilson Jr. Bridge after one of the engineers who designed it.  It's also known as the Dolly Parton Bridge for obvious reasons.  Now I will never be able to travel across it without thinking "boobie bridge".  Thanks for that...

Biking At The Beach

We've had perfect biking weather at the beach.  We've been riding everyday and getting some miles in.  Yesterday, the headwind was pretty bad, going out was hard but coming back was easy.  Ken has now been on his new bike three times and loves it.  It's the only cardio he can tolerate besides walking.  No running for him, he says.

We've been working out twice a day and biking in between.  Today I'm going to hit the pool for a short swim.  It's a lot more crowded here due to spring breakers.  Not too bad though.  It is great to be back!

Back To The Beach

Spring break is over for The Boy so we took him back to school yesterday then headed to the beach.  Wonderful sunset over the sound, no yellow pollen in the air covering everything, I can breathe!  It's great to be back if only for a couple of days.  Worked out twice today, rode bikes, and then went for a walk on the beach.  Life is good.

Proud To Be Awesome

The Boy emerged from his lair yesterday in a much better mood than previous days.  He was wearing the "proud to be awesome" shirt we bought him last year.  He still didn't cooperate with having his picture taken.

Since he's going back to school tomorrow, he had a few loads of clothes that needed to be washed.  I showed him how to use the washer and dryer and he even folded his clothes after they were dry.  The Murph couldn't believe it.  He took pictures, choked up with tears in his eyes.  There is hope!






More clothes washing pictures below....

Ray of Sunshine (aka The Boy)

                         

"The only disability in life is

a bad attitude."

Jimmy Scott Hamilton

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

Winston Churchill   

The Boy informed me yesterday while I was taking him to get his hair cut that he hates me and forgot how bad it was at home.  He said he thought being shut up alone in his dorm room was bad until he got back home.  Then he remembered how bad it was here.  Ouch.  And why am I so concerned about his teeth and hair and going with him to his hair and dentist appointments since I know he doesn't like going alone? Once again, it took me by surprise and hurt my feelings.  Especially after all I did to make sure his room is clean and ready for him when he got home and his refrigerator  loaded with things he likes to eat.  He tells me he's out of toiletry items and we head to the drug store to get what he needs, go to his favorite restaurant, invite him to go for walks, etc.  I racked my brain trying to figure out why it's so bad here for him.  I told him if he's so unhappy with me, then why doesn't he go live with his dad?  "That's even worse," he says.  Should I take comfort in knowing that his dad is "worse" than me even though I've ruined The Boy's life and he's better off without me?

Over the years, The Boy has blamed me for pretty much every thing that goes wrong in his life.  If he made bad grades, it was my fault. Late for school, my fault.  Internet down, my fault.   Everything was my fault.  And sometimes it really was my fault, but oops!  I am human after all.  I only play Zena, Warrior Princess (what The Murph started calling me when I was slurping down protein smoothies right and left and gained about 10 pounds of muscle)  with her stealthy panther kitty (that would be Phantom) on tv.  I do my best, but am only perfect 99.9% of the time.  The other .1% he's just gonna have to deal with.  Which is next to impossible for him to do.  The Boy just doesn't deal well.  That he gets from me.  We are Type A's.

I quit my job to stay home with The Boy and started a home daycare which I ran until he started kindergarten.  When he started school, I closed the daycare, volunteered at his elementary school whenever I could and started taking time for me while the boy was in school.  I started biking more and picked up running to help relieve some of the stress I was feeling during this time.  The Boy struggled in school.  He wasn't yet diagnosed with Aspergers's so we didn't know what was wrong.  I was an easy target to blame.   The Boy's dad blamed me when The Boy started failing in school.  "Why isn't The Boy doing better in school? You're not working .  So and So has a full time job, 3 kids and they are all making straight A's and competing in sports.  You only have one child and you don't even work.  Why isn't The Boy doing better?"  - that's what I heard, almost every day, (that I was a failure) until finally I got a job and a divorce.

The blame game stops here for me.  I love The Boy and will do all I can to help him, but ultimately he is responsible for his own life and happiness, Asperger's or not.   The Murph and I will not allow him to be disrespectful to me, which he is most of the time.  Lectures don't work, taking away privileges don't work and I really don't know what the heck will work.  He's been so negative the entire time he's been here this week that the Murph's new nickname for him is "Sunshine", since he's such a "Ray of Sunshine". At least it makes The Boy smile when he's being negative and we call him "Sunshine".

 Counseling at school is definitely in his immediate future.  I tried to make an appointment last semester just so The Boy could get acquainted with a counselor at the school should any issues come up while he is there.  The Counseling center at the school wouldn't even talk to me or let me make an appointment on his behalf since he's 19 years old and The Boy never would call to make the appointment despite the sticky notes with the phone number on it that I stuck all over his dorm room.  This time I'm going to call and hold the phone to his ear so he can tell them "Yes, I want to make an appointment".    I don't know what else to do.  This is way out of my pay level.   I want 

The Boy to be happy and POSITIVE.   Zena, Warrior Princess needs help.

Hair Cut

The Boy got his hair cut today and it looks
100% better.  I tried to get a picture

of him, but this was all I could get.  I tried sneaking in a picture when I thought he wasn't paying attention, but the camera is so slow that by the time I got the picture, he was already behind his arm.   I think his hair should be a little shorter.  He thinks she cut it a little too short.  Either way, it looks good.

Later, we went to eat dinner at his favorite Mexican restaurant.  Since he's been away at school, I haven't been there in a long time either.  It was good.  No margarita's this time though.  I've given up adult beverages for a while after what happened after the marathon and drinking before I had anything to eat.  I don't recommend doing that as a race strategy.

Chips and Salsa

One more try....

George Harrison My Sweet Lord - Another Great Song

This is my favorite song from George Harrison's CD " All Things Must Pass".  Ken likes all the songs on this CD.  It really had a profound effect on him when he was younger.  One of his favorites other than this one is " Isn't it a pity".

Spring Is Here - Everything Is Covered In Yellow Dust

 Ken and I went for a walk in the neighborhood today.  Everything is blooming now and the yellow pollen is everywhere.  I used my asthma inhaler before I even left the house and was glad I did.  This neighborhood is really lovely this time of year even with all the pollen.  I was suppose to run with the Running Nazi this morning, but I had to cancel because I was up all night with a sinus headache and sore throat probably from sucking all that pollen into my lungs.  A little Advil,  puff of Ibuterol and Claritin and I'm all better now.  I will drug up again tomorrow and run before I take The Boy to get his hair cut.

Tonight Ken was all about the documentary on George Harrison.  He did the whole meditation thing back when he was a teen.  Right now we are listening at high volume to George Harrison's CD "All Things Must Pass".   I think I'll go meditate now.

On The Lap

Whenever my laptop computer isn't on my lap, Cadence is.  And sometimes he and my computer are jockeying for position.  Cadence almost always wins.  Look at that face!

Serenity Now

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

 courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

It's spring break for The Boy this week and he's home from college and in desperate need of a hair cut, among other things.  Today was his six month dental checkup which is something he doesn't look forward to at all.  In fact, I didn't bother to schedule his hair cut appointment on the same day as his dental appointment because one "traumatic" event is enough for one day.   When we got to the dentist office he had this wild, unbrushed hair look.  He kind of resembled the way Albert Einstein looks on the poster he has hanging in his dorm room.  Maybe there's some Einstein channeling going on here.  I wonder what would happen if I hang a Justin Bieber poster in his dorm.  Would The Boy's hair get nicer?

I am so ready for the day when he willingly goes to the dentist all by himself.  He's 19 years old now and can drive himself, but there's no way he will go by himself.  As a matter of fact, every time we go, not only do I have to bribe him to get in the car and drive him there, but I also have to go in the room with him while he gets his teeth cleaned.  I've tried sitting in the reception area when the hygienist calls him back, but he looks at me and refuses to get up.  Today the same thing happened.  The hygienist calls The Boy back, The Boy looks at me, I reassuringly tell him to go on back, that I would wait right there for him, the hygienist asks him "are you ready?", The Boy ignores her and continues to stare at me, finally I give in and get up and head to the door, The Boy follows me and we all go back to the torture chamber.

Once at the torture chamber door, I stop and tell The Boy I will stand right outside and wait for him.  He doesn't believe me and refuses to go inside.  One of the other hygienist sees what's going on and tells me I can sit in the chair inside the room if I want,  so I go inside and sit down.  The Boy tentatively follows.  At least he opens his mouth for them now.  Once upon a time, getting The Boy to open his mouth at the dentist was next to impossible.  Almost as impossible as getting him to brush his teeth everyday.  I had nightmares of his teeth rotting out, but he's lucky he has good teeth and almost no cavities.

Another thing on the agenda today was getting auto insurance quotes for The Boy's car that has been sitting in the driveway for months with a dead battery.  He'll need to drive it this summer when he gets a job.  Unfortunately, it doesn't have insurance and he doesn't want to pay for the insurance.  When he found out how much it will cost per month for him to insure it he said it wasn't even worth getting a job if half of his money is going to pay for insurance.  Welcome to the real world.

And if that's not enough, I noticed today that The Boy has a hold on his college account because he has a $20 parking ticket from last semester when he was driving one of Ken's cars to school.   A ticket, The Boy says he doesn't owe and has tried to dispute with the school.  Then he goes into another tirade about the situation.  We all agree that if he feels he doesn't owe the ticket (because he did have a pass that was clearly visible on his windshield) then he should dispute it.  If however, he can't get them to take the hold off his account and drop the ticket, then he's going to have to pay the $20 or he won't be able to get his transcript.  He didn't see it that way.  Ken stepped in at that point and told him to go read the Serenity prayer - 

                       God grant me the serenity  to accept the things I cannot change;
                                            courage to change the things I can;
                                            and wisdom to know the difference.

Good advise for anybody to live by.  Maybe it will help stop the smoke coming out of The Boy's ears.  He didn't have any cavities today, but I wonder about his blood pressure.  Just like on the episode of my favorite sit com "Seinfeld" -  every time his blood pressure goes up, just yell, "Serenity Now!"  It works for me.

Circumcision And Other Fun Stuff

A couple of years ago, when The Boy was still in high school, he suddenly became "slightly" upset that his dad and I had had him circumcised when he was an infant.  He became rather obsessed with this topic for months and very angry at us (mainly me) for having the procedure performed against his consent.  How can you get consent from a slightly jaundiced infant who only sleeps, eats, and poops?  This came rather out of the blue and took me by surprise.  I wondered if this was just another of his "special interests" that have come and gone throughout the years due to his Asperger's.  I'm not a psychologist so I don't know how these things work.

Where I was pregnant with The Boy, circumcision was just one of those things that you did after you had a boy.  Everybody, as far as I knew,  had it done.  My brothers, cousins, ex husband (The Boy's dad) had all gone through the procedure immediately after birth and we really didn't even consider any other option.  Since The Boy's dad is Jewish, the only options that were considered was whether or not we were having the circumcision performed at the hospital by the doctor or at home by the rabbi.

 I was at a loss for words when The Boy came home from school everyday and launched into an angry tirade of how I had violated his rights, how he wanted to reverse the circumcision and how he was going to sue me for what I had done to him.  It was very annoying night after night, listening to him and like it or not, there was nothing I could do now.  Too late.  My only defense was that right after he was born, I had heart failure and was put on life support for a brief time.  It was during that time that he had the circumcision and I was fighting for my life and never signed any consent for it.  (That one was on his dad for sure!)

The one time I wasn't annoyed and actually felt bad for The Boy, I entertained the idea that maybe he could get the procedure reversed, especially if it was going to cause some deep psychological scars.  After all, didn't that teacher on South Park grow a whole new penis on a lab rat?  If an entire penis can be grown, why can't a mere fore skin?  I told The Boy I would call my plastic surgeon.

Miraculously, one day The Boy stopped obsessing about it.  I didn't have to do anything, including calling the psychologist.  There was once again peace in the house at dinner time.  It was wonderful!  I can't tell you how sick to death Ken and I were of those circumcision rants.

Then I read an article today about how circumcision might protect against prostate cancer.  I thought I would forward it to The Boy just so he would see what a great decision his parents made by having him circumcised as an infant.  I KNOW!  Stupid thing to do!!  Parents NEVER make good decisions.
This is the link I sent The Boy:  http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/12/10651806-circumcision-linked-to-lower-prostate-cancer-risk

The Boy sent me this link in response:  http://negativeninetythousand.blogspot.com/2010/12/fact-anal-sex-reduces-risk-of-prostate.html
As well as a warning that for every argument I can come up with, he can come up with at least three counters.

Cute, huh?  Guess he'll have plenty of time coming up with all those counter arguments as he's doing his own laundry.

Riding Bikes

It was such a nice day today that I decided to ride my bike for the first time since October.  I still had my race number on my helmet from Santa Rosa Island triathlon, my tires were flat and needed some air and my chain was all rusty and still is rusty.  All my bike gear was scattered around in various places and I almost forgot my bike shoes because for some reason they were in my swim bag.

I actually found all kinds of things in my swim bag that I have been missing including a pink compression sleeve, a heart rate monitor and a some various clothing items.  It feels like I have all new stuff now.  This stuff's been "missing" since last Fall.

Ken rode the bike he bought last summer for the first time and he did really well once he figured out how to work the gears.  I wasn't much help because I have a tri bike and the gears are much easier to use, the shifters just go up or down.  His road bike gear shifters go up, down and sideways.  It's been a long time since I've ridden a road bike.  Ken did really great especially since he hasn't been doing much cardio, only strength training.  It was great not only getting some exercise, but also getting outside on a beautiful, sunny day.

The Catbird Seat

Since it was warm enough outside to open the windows today, Ed and Boo had the perfect spot to keep an eye on the bird feeders and get some fresh air .  Ken calls this the catbird seat.  Unfortunately, Cadence was bumped from his favorite spot again and wasn't very happy.

Tonight Phantom claimed the catbird seat.  The birds have gone to bed, but it's still a nice place to get some fresh air.