Here Today, Gone Tomorrow... Or Rather Gone Last Night Sometime Before Midnight

We didn't have candles so we used matches. The top two = 20 and the bottom one = 1 = 21!

The Boy spent a couple of days with us during the Memorial Day weekend partly because he was bored and out of food at his college apartment and partly because his birthday is this Wednesday and he needed to get around as many family members as possible to get his birthday loot aka MONEY!! Money to buy food since his meal plan for last semester is over.

Sunday I took him out to eat at his favorite Mexican restaurant, Margarita Grill. The same place I went with the Babysitter for Cinco de Mayo and had to leave sans my taco salad because of the wildness of the place. Sunday it was calmer and a very nice day for outdoor dining as well.

Below are some fuzzy pics taken with my new Iphone 5. I now have Instagram. Hope that works better...

Chicken Chimichanga

This time I got my chicken taco salad and ate almost every bit of it. The first time ever accomplishing that feat.  The Boy got a chicken chimichanga with rice and beans and of course we got chips, salsa and cheese dip.  Later we had birthday cake and the first thing the Boy said was, "Why blue roses?" I tell him it's because he's a boy and the other alternative was pink roses. He was cool with the pink roses he tells me. Oh well, too bad. Next year I'll get pink!

Chicken taco salad

On Monday, he and the friend that he was riding back to school with decide they are going to leave around 9 pm, after the Boy gets back from eating out at his other favorite place, The Cheesecake Factory, with his dad and grandparents. I tried to convince him to stay at least until this morning, but he said his friend really wanted to go back Monday night.  Then at 10 pm when the Boy still wasn't home or packed to go back to school, I text him telling him he needed to wait until Tuesday morning to leave since it was so late and he still wasn't home yet.

No response.

Around 10:30 pm the two show up at the house to get the Boy's stuff preparing to head back to school that night which meant they wouldn't get to school until 2:30 in the morning. When I tell him no, it's too late, he called me a jerk and said the PLAN was to go back that night. Staying would screw up the PLAN! He can't mess up the PLAN!!

Neither the Murph nor I could convince them to stay at least until morning even though I felt driving that late was dangerous and I didn't like it one bit.

After much name calling (apparently I'm a huge jerk), I finally tell him he's an adult (21 years old tomorrow!) and could do what he wanted, but I still didn't think it was a good idea. His friend said he wasn't tired one bit since he'd just woke up at 3 pm and would be okay to drive that late, he's driven it before at 4 am, he said.  I told them I was getting ready to go to bed so they needed to be out before I was finished so I could set the alarm.

When the Boy got all packed up he came upstairs to tell me good-bye and wanted to know if he should call me when he got to school. I told him at 2 in the morning I would be asleep, but to text me to let me know he had gotten there safely. He said okay.

In the morning, no text. No text until he finally woke up sometime after noon.

While I really want him to be independent and to do things for himself, I know that things can still happen. He has Asperger's and sometimes not the best judgement. The Murph still says I'm a helicopter parent, but I don't think that applies to me at all anymore. I've loosened the reigns and allowed the Boy to be more independent than I probably would have if I was still single and it was just the two of us. In a way, that's been a good thing for both of us.

The Boy still depends on me to get his financial aid in order for the upcoming school years. Since we just got our federal income tax return back, I had to go to UPS to fax a copy to the school. While we were there, the Murph was telling the owner of the store what a helicopter parent I was by doing all the work for the Boy. I defend myself by saying, "I have to be a little bit of a helicopter parent because my son has Asperger's, have you ever heard of it, it's on the autism spectrum?"

The owner nodded her head toward her daughter who was in the back working on a computer and said,  "She has Asperger's. I don't have to be a helicopter parent because she's right there with me all the time."

I started talking to the daughter who had helped us several times when we were in the store and she told me that she had been to a private college for about a year but had to quit because of severe depression and anxiety. So severe she couldn't even go to class. I told her that the Boy had experienced the same thing his first year and had to go on anti-depressants.

It also helped that he has a friend at the same college that he's known since 3rd grade. They now share an apartment with one other person, but have their own private bedroom and bathroom. It's almost like him having his own private dorm room, which he liked, but more homey and not so lonely because there are others to share a common area with whenever he feels like coming out of his room. (I don't know if any of them come out of their room that often except to go to class though).

I'm really glad the Boy is doing well and WANTS to get back to his own apartment and school. It could have so easily gone the other way and he could be back at home. Fortunately (I guess),  he doesn't even like it here anymore. It's tough sometimes knowing when to let go and when to pull in the reigns. As the Boy gets older it is REALLY tough! He still needs me when he needs me, yet he needs me to back away when he needs me to back away. It's usually up to me to figure it out.

I might not like it sometimes, but I think that this "helicopter parent" is doing her job helicopter or not!

Just So You Know If You Didn't Already...

Add caption

I thought I'd better get this in before April 3 rolls around and then it would be too late. Just for the record I did NOT wear blue today, not because I don't believe in and support autism awareness, but because blue really isn't my best color. I am, however, wearing pink. The Murph wouldn't let me put blue light bulbs outside either so we are not going blue anywhere outside either. The Murph does have a blue shirt on that says Jazz pure cool. We will pretend he's autism aware!

Sorry!

Poor Murph has become more autism aware over the past two plus years since we've been together than he ever thought he would be. (or wanted to be!) After being around the Boy for those years he jokes with me that autistic people are hard to be around. He doesn't like it! I explained to him that the Boy is only one example and not all autistic people are like the Boy. The Boy really isn't that bad most of the time. Just difficult some of the time and those times can usually be prevented if we plan ahead of time for them.

Our version of light up the blue

The Murph still has some awareness coming to him!

The Murph told me not to forget to mention the 5k run for autism I am doing this weekend. I will probably wear pink then too. Coincidentally, the autism society is doing the walk/ run here in Birmingham on the same day as where the Boy goes to school. I told him about the race and suggested he do it, but he wasn't convinced.

The Boy may or may not be wearing blue today for autism awareness, but no matter what color he's wearing, I just hope it is clean and wrinkle free.  Okay, forget wrinkle free. If it's just clean I will be a happy mom. Even when he was living at home with me, he didn't make it to school with wrinkle free clothing. Neither one of us did because I don't iron. It's a hazard for me to handle anything that gets that hot.

My refusal to iron my ex-husband's dress shirts is one of the reasons we are divorced.

Now I hope you become as aware of autism as we are! It's all fun really!

The Boy, The Beach and the Midnight Calls

I haven't done any Asperger posts lately because since The Boy went back to school I haven't heard from him much.  No midnight calls telling me he has bed bugs, or all his classes being canceled because of lack of payment (which they had been paid btw), nothing to eat in the cafeteria so he's hungry,  he has 2 papers, 3 tests and a project all due the next day and he needs help NOW or just to tell me he's bored.

It's midnight and he should be asleep, but he's awake and bored and just wanted to make sure I was aware of that fact.

All was quiet until it wasn't.  The first week he needed help on a paper, but what he REALLY wanted was for me to write it for him because he had another one to write.  Then the next week he decides his 2 year old laptop wasn't powerful enough and he needed a new one that was lighter weight and more powerful.  He's decided I could have his old one.  How sweet!  Then the kicker was the call where he needed money for rent because his dad bailed on him that month.

Most of those calls were at a reasonable hour until the midnight call last night.

I still don't know what that call was about.  An emergency was ruled out right away.  He was all caught up on his papers and assignments and there wasn't much I could do about the money situation right now.  I asked him what was up and he said, "nothing."

That was it.

Most of our 30 minute conversation was about "nothing".  I think he must have been returning my earlier call to him.  It has happened before.  I call him around 1 or 2 in the afternoon and he returns the call at his favorite time.  Midnight.  I don't mind midnight calls so much, but Cadence doesn't like them one bit!  The entire time I'm trying to talk to The Boy, Cadence is up on the kitchen counter (a no no!), meowing LOUDLY in my face, letting me know that it's way past his bedtime and he can't go to bed unless I'm there so he can use me as his human cat pillow.

These midnight calls are one reason I can't wait to get moved closer to The Boy.  And it's finally happening!  We are cleaning the house out and getting it ready to put on the market here in Birmingham and moving down to the beach.  Instead of 4 hours away from The Boy, we will only be a little over an hour away.  We've been planning this big move part 1 for a long time now.  The big move is set for April so March is going to be busy packing up things, getting the house on the market and getting the cats moved down to the coast and settled in.

They were very comfortable at the beach a couple of years ago when we lived there during the fall months when The Boy started school nearby, but now we will have Ed with us too.  Three cats!

Depending on how long it takes for the house to sell and finding jobs or other business opportunities will determine where our next move part 2 will be.  Atlanta?  Tampa?  New Orleans?  Somewhere in Texas?

For now I am just really thrilled to be finally moving closer to The Boy.

Having this view is a huge plus too!

The above picture is of The Boy on the balcony a couple of summers ago as we were anxiously awaiting his final ACT scores to see if he would get into the college of his choice.  I was on the ACT site every hour to see if the score was out.  The minute they posted and we saw he had a high enough score we called the university and headed that way for a tour and a meeting with the admission counselor.

After being turned down the first go round because he was one point too low on his ACT score, he was approved for admission on the spot with an ACT score that was 2 points higher than what he needed to get accepted.  I am so glad he stuck it out and didn't give up!

The Aspie Quiz

I found this quiz online one day while I was looking around for Asperger related information.  I took it just out of curiosity to see what my results would be.  Since Asperger's and Autism are known to have a genetic component, I wanted to know if I was an Aspie too.  It certainly seems like it some times when I have anxiety and trouble dealing with stress.  (although these things only happened after I was an adult - a parent to be exact)

Today I got the Boy to take the quiz.  He's been much more sociable and relaxed these past few days.  Not to mention awake during the day instead of only at night.  We were calling him the "vampire boy" for a while.  

If you want to take the Aspie Quiz just click here.  The scores are broken down into the different areas on the chart and it was very interesting to see all the results.

I took the quiz twice on different days.  This was my results the first time I took it.  The second time I took it, I deliberately tried to get a more "Aspie" score, but I still ended up neurotypical.  The Boy was quick to point out on my results how low my Intellectual score was.  He had a good laugh at at my low intellect!  I responded "Yes, but see how physical I am!"  If I were a cave man I could really hunt some buffalo.
                                      Results- Aspie score:  60 of 200

                                      neurotypical (non-autistic) score:  145 of 200

My Quiz Results =
Neurotypical

Here is the Boy's quiz results showing what we already know.  He's an Aspie.  He's also quite intellectual.  Maybe not such a good buffalo hunter though.

                                      Results- Aspie score 122 of 200
                                      neurotypical (non-autistic) score 83 of 200

The Boy's Results =
Aspie

It's a good thing we have Mexican restaurants nearby.  He and I consumed large quantities of this stuff the other day along with chips and salsa.  No buffalo.

Please share your scores in the comments if you decide to take the quiz.  Hopefully you will be more intellectual than I am.

World Autism Awareness Day

The month of April is World Autism Awareness month and today kicks it off with World Autism Awareness Day.  I have spent most of the afternoon reading autism news, blogs, articles, etc., anything related to Autism/Asperger's awareness.  It is so good that there is starting to be more information and support for families with children on the autism spectrum.  It is clear, however, that we still have a long way to go.

The Boy wasn't officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome until he was in 8th grade, yet looking back, all the signs were there.  I had never even heard about Asperger's or knew anyone who had it until he was diagnosed with it.  I knew something was wrong, but something related to autism was not even considered.   The Boy's dad and family mostly blamed bad parenting for the Boy's problems.  Bad parenting by me, of course.  I guess they considered the Boy's dad a "great" parent, but if that was the case then why didn't he step up to the plate and "correct" me if I was such a bad parent.  Are mom's always to blame?  I have to admit that I even started blaming myself and thought that maybe I was doing something wrong.  I began wearing myself ragged trying to be a better parent.

 The Boy was 10 years old when I filed for divorce from his father.  At that point, I started taking The Boy to a child psychologist.  The Boy's dad and I were fighting so much that I thought it probably wasn't a bad idea to get him into counseling.  I had tried to get him into counseling months before filing for divorce.  That didn't end up well when the psychologist asked The Boy who he liked better his mom or his dad.  When The Boy told his dad this, his dad hit the roof.  I suggested that next appointment, The Boy's dad come and we could get to the bottom of why this question was asked.  Needless to say, The Boy's dad got ugly and accusatory and the psychologist didn't have a chance to explain.  I just wanted to disappear.  I never made another appointment with him.

The new psychologist was a female child psychologist recommended through the court system.  She was very good and did help me in some of the more immediate problems I had with The Boy, such as getting him to sleep in his own bed and help during the stress of the divorce.  What I will never, ever understand is why, why, why did she not once see that The Boy had signs of Asperger's?  We saw her once or twice a month for five years.  It wasn't until The Boy was diagnosed with ADD and he was having stomach problems and withdrawal issues from his meds that the school advised me to take him to a psychiatrist to help coordinate his ADD meds.  This man, who we saw approximately once every 6 months for less than two years when he diagnosed The Boy with Asperger's.  Finally the answer!

It's difficult thinking of all the lost years The Boy could have had specific help for his diagnosis!  He fell through the cracks for so many years despite the school knowing something was wrong, me knowing something was wrong, my friends and other parents knowing something was wrong, but nobody know what that thing was.  That thing called Asperger's.

After the diagnosis I cried.  I was so relieved.  The Boy was relieved.  I know it must be hard and a blow for families to learn their child has an autism spectrum disorder when they are toddlers, but take my word for it, it's a blessing to know and to take action early than to not know and not get the help they need.  The Boy had had IEP's and speech therapy, but the diagnosis made him eligible for so much more of the help he needed.  Best of all it took "behavioral problem" out of the picture.   As a mom, I knew my son was NOT a behavioral problem.  Don't even get me started on that one!

 It was still tough.  There were always some teachers who didn't want to accommodate and The Boy's dad still doesn't think there was any problem other than that I suck as a parent.  I am just so thankful the there is such a strong Autism/Asperger's community out there getting the word out.  I hope no other parent goes through what I did.  Even if The Boy had been diagnosed when he was a preschooler, there was very little out there to help him in this state.  Now we have Mitchell's Place, which really helped The Boy when he was first diagnosed.  He attended a summer camp there and went on to do the after school program his freshman year of school.  

This is the fifth year for the annual World Autism Awareness Day and I am thrilled.  I hope it continues and helps educate the public and get the support and funding for the families, children and adults who are faced with autism every day.  I feel inspired to do whatever I can do to help get the word out.  There's no time for blame, only for action.