The Boy And The Cats

Yesterday we drove the Boy back to school after he spent the weekend here with us. Saturday night I took the Boy out to dinner, but forgot the camera so I don't have pictures. I tried to take some pictures with my phone on Instagram. I posted some out on Instagram, so if you're following me on there (Click here to follow me) you may have seen some of them, but I don't know how many posted out because I was having some trouble with the app on my phone. One day I will figure it out and my pictures will come out straight and focused. Probably.

Anyway, we had barbecue and there were fireworks across the street as we were leaving the restaurant.  Then we stopped at a convenience store on the way home so I could get the Boy another Dr. Pepper (the real deal, not the Dr. Thunder Walmart stuff). As usual he wanted to stay in the car and as usual I hit door lock with the car key thingy, forgetting that every time I do that and he's in the car, he sets off the motion sensor in the car and the alarm goes off.

I was in the store and heard an alarm going off in the parking lot.  I soon realized it was my car when I saw a group of teens looking toward where I had parked. I could just imagine what the Boy was thinking at that moment. When I walked out of the store, he was smiling and shaking his head. "MOM!! You did it AGAIN!!"

Oh well, I couldn't help but laugh at him. Next time maybe he'll get out of the car with me and go inside the store. He knows how to grocery shop now. He told me he mostly eats Ramen noodles now because he can get a 12 pack for $2 and 1 individual thing makes a really big serving. He actually likes them. Who knew!

Phantom seemed much better all weekend. I think he liked having the Boy back.

Cadence and Ed, on the other hand, freaked out and ran and hid every time the Boy walked into the room. He did look pretty wild and in need of a hair cut. I tried to cut it before he left, but he wouldn't let me near him.

Cadence trapped in the kitchen looking up at the Boy

Cadence jumped up on the counter to find an alternate means of escape

Is the wild hair Boy still over there? I'll stay here until it's safe!

Tonight Cadence is much more relaxed even though he's been whacked on the head a couple of times today by Phantom.

Poor Phantom! Missing the Boy again.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow... Or Rather Gone Last Night Sometime Before Midnight

We didn't have candles so we used matches. The top two = 20 and the bottom one = 1 = 21!

The Boy spent a couple of days with us during the Memorial Day weekend partly because he was bored and out of food at his college apartment and partly because his birthday is this Wednesday and he needed to get around as many family members as possible to get his birthday loot aka MONEY!! Money to buy food since his meal plan for last semester is over.

Sunday I took him out to eat at his favorite Mexican restaurant, Margarita Grill. The same place I went with the Babysitter for Cinco de Mayo and had to leave sans my taco salad because of the wildness of the place. Sunday it was calmer and a very nice day for outdoor dining as well.

Below are some fuzzy pics taken with my new Iphone 5. I now have Instagram. Hope that works better...

Chicken Chimichanga

This time I got my chicken taco salad and ate almost every bit of it. The first time ever accomplishing that feat.  The Boy got a chicken chimichanga with rice and beans and of course we got chips, salsa and cheese dip.  Later we had birthday cake and the first thing the Boy said was, "Why blue roses?" I tell him it's because he's a boy and the other alternative was pink roses. He was cool with the pink roses he tells me. Oh well, too bad. Next year I'll get pink!

Chicken taco salad

On Monday, he and the friend that he was riding back to school with decide they are going to leave around 9 pm, after the Boy gets back from eating out at his other favorite place, The Cheesecake Factory, with his dad and grandparents. I tried to convince him to stay at least until this morning, but he said his friend really wanted to go back Monday night.  Then at 10 pm when the Boy still wasn't home or packed to go back to school, I text him telling him he needed to wait until Tuesday morning to leave since it was so late and he still wasn't home yet.

No response.

Around 10:30 pm the two show up at the house to get the Boy's stuff preparing to head back to school that night which meant they wouldn't get to school until 2:30 in the morning. When I tell him no, it's too late, he called me a jerk and said the PLAN was to go back that night. Staying would screw up the PLAN! He can't mess up the PLAN!!

Neither the Murph nor I could convince them to stay at least until morning even though I felt driving that late was dangerous and I didn't like it one bit.

After much name calling (apparently I'm a huge jerk), I finally tell him he's an adult (21 years old tomorrow!) and could do what he wanted, but I still didn't think it was a good idea. His friend said he wasn't tired one bit since he'd just woke up at 3 pm and would be okay to drive that late, he's driven it before at 4 am, he said.  I told them I was getting ready to go to bed so they needed to be out before I was finished so I could set the alarm.

When the Boy got all packed up he came upstairs to tell me good-bye and wanted to know if he should call me when he got to school. I told him at 2 in the morning I would be asleep, but to text me to let me know he had gotten there safely. He said okay.

In the morning, no text. No text until he finally woke up sometime after noon.

While I really want him to be independent and to do things for himself, I know that things can still happen. He has Asperger's and sometimes not the best judgement. The Murph still says I'm a helicopter parent, but I don't think that applies to me at all anymore. I've loosened the reigns and allowed the Boy to be more independent than I probably would have if I was still single and it was just the two of us. In a way, that's been a good thing for both of us.

The Boy still depends on me to get his financial aid in order for the upcoming school years. Since we just got our federal income tax return back, I had to go to UPS to fax a copy to the school. While we were there, the Murph was telling the owner of the store what a helicopter parent I was by doing all the work for the Boy. I defend myself by saying, "I have to be a little bit of a helicopter parent because my son has Asperger's, have you ever heard of it, it's on the autism spectrum?"

The owner nodded her head toward her daughter who was in the back working on a computer and said,  "She has Asperger's. I don't have to be a helicopter parent because she's right there with me all the time."

I started talking to the daughter who had helped us several times when we were in the store and she told me that she had been to a private college for about a year but had to quit because of severe depression and anxiety. So severe she couldn't even go to class. I told her that the Boy had experienced the same thing his first year and had to go on anti-depressants.

It also helped that he has a friend at the same college that he's known since 3rd grade. They now share an apartment with one other person, but have their own private bedroom and bathroom. It's almost like him having his own private dorm room, which he liked, but more homey and not so lonely because there are others to share a common area with whenever he feels like coming out of his room. (I don't know if any of them come out of their room that often except to go to class though).

I'm really glad the Boy is doing well and WANTS to get back to his own apartment and school. It could have so easily gone the other way and he could be back at home. Fortunately (I guess),  he doesn't even like it here anymore. It's tough sometimes knowing when to let go and when to pull in the reigns. As the Boy gets older it is REALLY tough! He still needs me when he needs me, yet he needs me to back away when he needs me to back away. It's usually up to me to figure it out.

I might not like it sometimes, but I think that this "helicopter parent" is doing her job helicopter or not!

Konabarbie Celebrates '1000 Ausome Things' #AutismPositivity2013

Today is the last day of April and the end of Autism Awareness month, but hopefully not the end of autism awareness and acceptance. It is also autism flash blog day. Autism flash blog day was started last year in response to a google search by an unknown person typing in the search words "I wish I didn't have Aspergers." The flash blog was created to counter the negativity of those words with something more positive.

This year the focus of the flash blog is 1000 'Ausome' Things. As anyone who's been reading my blog for awhile knows, my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism, when he was 13 years old. It's hard to believe, but he will turn 21 years old next month!

Gosh I'm old!!

To us the diagnosis was never a negative one. It was actually a relief to finally have a name to something because we knew he was different. Us meaning me and my son because at the time of his diagnosis I was a single mom and it was just the two of us dealing with the school issues, the stomach issues and the sleeping issues.

All of those issues were dealt with in time and now he is doing great in college and loving it and living on his own. I couldn't imagine him any different than what he is, Asperger's and all. Personally, with the exception of the school struggles and IEP nightmares that weren't his fault, I think he was much easier to raise than an NT child.

He struggled in high school, but not only got into the college of his choice, but made the Dean's list last semester.

He learned how to play the violin in third grade and then taught himself how to play the guitar when he was a teen using methods he learned from violin in third grade.

Not to mention he's a computer genius!

And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom!

Yes, he's "ausome"!

Asperger's From My New Husband's Perspective

I tried to convince my husband to do a guest blog post for me on his perspective of Asperger's and what it's like to marry someone who has a child on the autism spectrum.  He had never even heard of Asperger's or been around an autistic individual until he met my son.  I felt he could give some advice or pointers or something to help other step-parents coming into a situation with an autistic child.

The Murph didn't think it was such a good idea.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  I want you to do a blog post about how you feel about Asperger's and how you've learned to deal with the Boy and his Asperger's and any pointers or advice you may have to contribute to help others.

Murph:  I have no advice or pointers to give anybody.  I don't even know how to deal with the Boy myself.  I STRUGGLE to deal with the Boy.  His personality is not so pleasant most of the time and I don't know how much of that is Asperger's.

Me:   I've told you most of it is because of his Asperger's and he's really NOT that bad!

Murph:  Yes, but I don't know how much of the meowing and biting and pulling your hair and following you around is Asperger's.  I don't think all Asperger's kids do that.  Not to mention at the wedding when we were trying to take pictures before the ceremony and he decided he was hungry and wouldn't leave you alone.

Me:  That was Asperger's.  He has no filter.  I should have made sure he ate something before I left to get my make up done.  (The Murph cringes at this because it was my wedding and the Boy is old enough and able to feed himself)

Murph:  I do see that there are varying degrees of Asperger's and autism and not everybody is the same.   Some are different than others.  I do see that.  When I first met you and you told me your son had Asperger's I didn't know what that was.  I told my sister-in-law that your son had Hamburgers or something and she said "Oh no!  You mean Asperger's!  That's what so and so has! ( so and so is a son of a cousin)"   All I could think was, oh no, because so and so was a strange, weird kid and I wouldn't even let the Girl get around him alone.  But like I said, he was different from the Boy.  Maybe the difference is medication or parenting or just other things he has besides Asperger's.  I will also say that whenever the Boy is around you that you change and not in a good way.  You change whenever he's around.    My only advice to people is that you really have to love the mother and then you will be able to put up with just about anything.  And I do mean ANYTHING!

Me:  I guess  I do change a little bit when he's around.   Just like you did on the wedding day the first time you had to deal with getting the Boy moving since I had already gone to get my make up done.  You looked stressed.

Murph:  I was just frustrated because I told him to get his tux on and we had to leave and he still wasn't ready to go and I had to get to the country club to get pictures and only had 15 minutes left.  Then he kept asking "Where's my mother?" over and over and when he finally saw you, he attached himself to you and decided he was starving to death and we were trying to get pictures done.

Me:  Well, that's me.  I get frustrated.  And he's in my personal space and I've been trying to teach him about personal space since he was about 4 or 5, but it still hasn't sunken in.  I get stressed when he's meowing and biting me and pulling my hair in my personal space.  When he has appointments that I have to get him to then it gets even more stressful.  I think you get it now.

And that's how the conversation went and that's about as close to a blog post as I can get from the Murph!

I will say that when I first met the Murph, I had very low expectations of his acceptance of the Boy.    I warned him more than once that he should think twice before he started dating me (he disagrees with this).

 I tried to explain to him that my son had Asperger's.  I tried to explain what life was like with a child who had Asperger's.  Even though at that point, the Boy was finishing up his Junior year of high school and things had become increasingly easier over the years, it was still stressful.

I didn't know if the Boy would be going away to college or staying home and going to a two year college.  I didn't know if he would even get into a four year college.  Heck, I didn't know if he was going to graduate from high school the next year.  I thought if he did go to a four year college that I might have to move with him because he would need me close by.

Things could have gone any number of ways.  That's the thing with autism.  You just don't know.  Things will get better, but then worse and then better again (you hope).  You think you've conquered something and then there's a backward slide.

I'm tough so I can handle it.  I didn't know how tough the Murph was though.

I've been happily surprised.

Back then the Murph assured me that he could handle whatever came our way.  That he would be there to back me up with whatever I had to do to help the Boy.  So far, we've been lucky and the Boy has taken off on his own and is doing well in a four year college and is living on campus.  He's doing better than I could ever have imagined.

I have the Murph to thank for that.  I could do it all on my own if I had to, but I'm glad I don't.   I did do it all on my own for several years as a single mom, but it sure is good to have a partner that is supportive.  I wish he could have been there with me through all the IEP meetings at the school and all those times I had to deal with the Boy's dad who seemed to be against me instead of for the Boy.

Or that time when the Boy was 10 and called me a "bitch" because I was trying to make him clean his room so I "threw" all his toys away and he didn't even care because he had paper clips and other random office supplies to play with.

I'm glad the Murph doesn't think the Boy is as weird as so and so, whoever so and so is!  And that he cares enough to know it's Asperger's not Hamburger's and that everyone on the spectrum is different and unique.

I did warn the Murph that I have a weird kid, bad cats and an obsessive triathlon habit, so he came in with his eyes wide open.  I even included that line in my wedding vows, although I changed "weird" to "teen-age" because I didn't want to give the Boy an excuse to act weirder than his normal weird.  He would've taken that and run with it.

Weird is the new normal for the Murph and personally I think he likes it better.

Mobile First Light Marathon

This time last year when we took the Boy back to college after the holidays, we went to the beach for a few days (you can find that post Here) and I ran in the Pensacola Beach half marathon.  It is a very fun, scenic half marathon that starts at the public beach in front of Crabs restaurant and runs out parallel to the beach and back.  If you aren't up for the full half marathon, there is turn a around for the 5K and 10K so you can decide during the run how far you want to go.  

My plan was to do that race again this year when we dropped the Boy off at school.  Unfortunately, someone (and I'm not naming names) forgot to reserve our condo for us for this weekend.  It's rented all of January and February, probably with some snow birds trying to escape the cold from up north.  This is good and bad.  Good because it's rented for two entire months, bad because we can't stay there until March.

Mobile First Light Half Marathon

Lucky for me, there was a race in Mobile, Alabama this weekend.  The Mobile First Light Marathon and Half Marathon.  I've done the half marathon before and really love the course.  I would love to do the entire marathon one day.  The half marathon is flat and runs through some very quaint, old neighborhoods and then along Government Street, Spring Hill Avenue and back in on Dauphin Street. I've heard the full marathon has some hills.

It was overcast, warm and humid, but not overwhelming.  I prefer warm to cold any day!  It was fun and everybody out there was friendly and seemed to be in good spirits.  Even The Murph made a comment about how everyone seemed to be having a good time.  I think it was because it wasn't freezing cold like Chickamauga Marathon and Mercedes Half was last year.  Maybe people are in a better mood when they aren't freezing.  I know I'm happier.

We dropped the Boy off at school on Saturday evening and tried to purchase his books, but the bookstore was closed.  I hope the Boy doesn't have any trouble getting them Monday.  This is the first time he will have to do it himself and sign up for a meal plan.  He didn't want to do it by himself and I am worried too, of course.  At some point he needs to get out of his comfort zone and do it himself.  It's not like he doesn't know where to go or how to do it.  This will be the fourth semester he's had to do it.

I started worrying about it on the way home today.  The Murph says I do way to much for him and he needs to do things for himself.  I have to agree on this one thing.  It would be different if the Boy did not know where to go or how to do it.  He knows what he's suppose to do, he just feels more comfortable when I'm there helping him.

I can't really blame him.  That little old lady at the bookstore can be very intimidating, but he has to deal with her because she's in charge of the financial aid distribution.  She doesn't take crap from him.  He didn't have his class schedule printed out when he went to get the books and she made him print it out so she could make sure the books were for those particular approved classes.  She wouldn't except just looking at them from his phone.  We had to find a printer and print it out.  I had already told him before we left the house to print it out, but he didn't listen to me.

I guess I need to text him and remind him to print that thing out before he goes to the book store.  Yes, helicopter parent I am!

More First Light Marathon/Half Marathon pictures below.  A short, but fun trip!

Thursdays Are For Bricks

Not this kind of brick

I woke up this morning feeling very anxious.  I couldn't breathe very well.  I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, squeezing all the air out.  Anxiety always triggers my asthma and this time of the year my lungs are struggling for air anyway.

I went to bed feeling like this and I woke up feeling like this.  It started yesterday with The Boy and the hair cut incident.  Things are quiet down in The Boy's room right now, but at any moment, one phone call from his dad and things could explode.  Usually in my face.

The Boy woke me up this morning with a run down of what his dad plans to do tomorrow (in preparation for the wedding) with him at the last minute.  The Boy was already planning ways out of it and wants to go with his friend and do something else.  His dad wants to pick him up around 1:00 and go pick up the tux.  Then he expects The Boy to hang out at his office with him while he works the rest of the day.

First of all, this last minute running around stuff usually doesn't work very well with The Boy.  He has Asperger's.  He likes things planned out and given plenty of time to prepare himself for things he doesn't really like to do.   Hopefully, his dad telling him ahead of time will help prepare him a little.

The biggest problem is that his dad doesn't except the fact he has Asperger's.  He doesn't like what he calls "labels".  He would rather hang onto the fact The Boy behaves this way because of bad parenting.  Not his, but mine since I "won" custody and just haven't taught him proper manners.

I don't really like labels either but sometimes they are necessary to help classify special needs children. What can be bad are the false or incorrect stereotypes that can go with a label of Asperger's or ADD.  I recently came across a really good article on the subject.  I feel the same way about labels as this author does here.

Second, in this last minute whirlwind of getting things for the wedding and finishing up work related things, it might get a little bit stress full for the dad and from past experience, The Boy shuts down during these times.  Instead of speeding it up and getting things done, there could be an opposite reaction.

In the end, The Boy suffers.  And when The Boy suffers because of his dad's lack of patience and understanding, I get major league stressed out.

It's all bad.

And there's still that hair cut thing.  Something that The Boy really dislikes but has found someone who he can tolerate and actually likes now.  She was very surprised a couple of months ago when he actually started talking to her while she was cutting his hair.  She probably asked him something about computers.

I'm still waiting on what's going to go down on that little issue.  That's a really "hairy" issue!

Not being able to breath very well and having this sense of doom floating around over my head, I didn't feel very motivated to go to the gym.  I had to force myself to go with The Murph today.

When I got there I thought I would just get on the exercise bike for a few minutes for an easy spin, then I remembered today is Thursday.  Crap!  Thursday for me are brick days.  And bricks are a tough workout no matter how short.

This kind of brick

In the triathlon world, a brick workout is where you bike first and then run to help train your muscles and cardio system to adapt quickly to this transition during a triathlon. Swim, bike, run thing.  It can also mean swim first then bike to get you use to getting on the bike after coming out of the water.  The reason it's called a brick workout is because that's usually the way your legs feel when you start to run off the bike.

Bricks help teach your body to move the flow of blood from the muscles you use while biking to the muscles you use while running more efficiently.  The faster your body can do this off the bike, the better your run will be.

Me, one of my bikes and my training buddy

I rarely do swim/bike bricks since I rarely swim anymore unless I'm training for at least a 1/2 Ironman.  My new gym doesn't even have a pool.

For the past 12 years I have always done a brick workout on Thursday.  It's mandatory for me.  I can do it on my real bike out on the road or with my bike on a trainer or on an exercise or spin bike.  I can run either on the roads or the treadmill with any combo of the above bike rides.  It can be any length from 20 minutes bike/10 minute run on up to 2 hour bike/1 hour run.

It's Thursday so I just have to do it.

My first bike.  Probably an antique now.

I sucked it up and did a really short bike and then a really short run.  Then I did weights.  I really felt a little better after I worked out and my breathing is better.  Much better.

I'm still waiting for that bomb to drop though.  It could get ugly.

My little training buddy.  We've made up since yesterday.