Paddling And The Boy

Paddle boarding that is, not paddling the Boy although he could use a good paddling about now!

Everyday I see more and more people paddling around on paddle boards. Popularity seems to keep growing in this sport that originated in Hawaii, the Murph and my future retirement state. (If I can get him back on an airplane for the time it takes to fly there it will be a miracle!) Yesterday evening there was a lone paddler on the sound at sunset. Very peaceful! I haven't tried it yet, but it's on my "to do" list this year. I wonder how hard it is to balance on one of those things?

It's almost impossible to be stressed out here even though the Boy is continually working on it for me. His latest issue is not answering his phone when I call him or responding to text messages from me unless he needs something from me. Usually when he decides to call me he is in some sort of "crisis" situation. For example, the other day he called (after not responding to my calls or texts for 3 days) extremely, EXTREMELY upset because one of his roommates was eating his food. Instead of confronting the roommate, the Boy decided I need to bring him his own personal refrigerator for his bedroom.

When he realized that wasn't going to happen, he calmed down and hopefully either confronted his roommate with the problem or purchased food items that don't require refrigeration so he can store it in his room. At the time, those were the best solutions I could think of for him. I was a little upset myself that he didn't call or respond to me unless he needed something and then he demanded that I do something. Oh no! Not going to happen.

Tequila helps the de-stressing process too. With the awesome sunsets, bike rides, long runs and adult beverages, I can handle the Boy's "crisis" situations a little better than I use to.

One more thing - I don't think the Boy reads my blog (as a matter of fact, I know he doesn't), but if he happens to come across this post, I have one thing to say to him -

" If you want me to answer my phone when you call or text me, then I would suggest you do the same when I call. I know you are really, really busy, but I was a little busy myself all those years I had to set aside my own interests to change your diapers and attend all those IEP meetings. So.... answer your phone or at the least return my call at a time when it's more convenient for you, preferably on the same day I called you. That is all."

"Comprende?"

University Bookstore Conspiracy

When the Boy added an additional class to his spring semester schedule last week, I didn't realize what a problem it was going to cause.  The additional class created an additional balance in his account.  One that I wasn't sure would be covered by financial aid, so we were waiting to find out.  In the meantime, the balance was due and the University not only canceled the one additional unpaid class, but his entire spring schedule.  

Yes, all of the other classes that had been paid for were gone.  All those classes that required those $500 worth of text books = GONE!  

 I got a call from the Boy informing me of this fact around midnight last night.  Needless to say, today has been spent making a number of phone calls, sending emails, and plenty of frustration and pulling my hair out.  The Boy spent the day running all over campus trying to figure out what to do in between attending the classes that he's no longer enrolled in.

I couldn't convince the Student Accounting department to go ahead and put him back in the classes that were already paid for and then wait on the final word in the new class.  I even called my contact in Special Student Services who immediately came on board, but couldn't really do anything either.

FINALLY, the Boy decided to go to the top guy in charge of the Student Accounting department and is able to get reinstated back in all  his classes.  

Yes, he did it!  I am so proud of him!   Now we have until Monday to pay the rest of the bill.

In the meantime, the Boy discovered that there is more than one History 101 book for the different sections of History and he unfortunately picked up the wrong one in the book store.  He said he didn't realize there were different books for different sections and there were no sections written on any of the books.

Photo from tumblr.com

It seems really simple.  Just go back to the bookstore and exchange the wrong book for the correct book.  But NO!  The last day to exchange books was Tuesday so the bookstore refused to exchange the book.  They were "nice" enough to say they would buy it back from him for $20.  Considering the price of the book was $145 and he will then have to turn around and buy the other History book which is also $145, he wasn't really happy with that suggestion.

photo from cheezburger.com

I have complete faith in him that he will straighten this all out and get the book he needs.  He's my boy!

And there's always the library...

Mobile First Light Marathon

This time last year when we took the Boy back to college after the holidays, we went to the beach for a few days (you can find that post Here) and I ran in the Pensacola Beach half marathon.  It is a very fun, scenic half marathon that starts at the public beach in front of Crabs restaurant and runs out parallel to the beach and back.  If you aren't up for the full half marathon, there is turn a around for the 5K and 10K so you can decide during the run how far you want to go.  

My plan was to do that race again this year when we dropped the Boy off at school.  Unfortunately, someone (and I'm not naming names) forgot to reserve our condo for us for this weekend.  It's rented all of January and February, probably with some snow birds trying to escape the cold from up north.  This is good and bad.  Good because it's rented for two entire months, bad because we can't stay there until March.

Mobile First Light Half Marathon

Lucky for me, there was a race in Mobile, Alabama this weekend.  The Mobile First Light Marathon and Half Marathon.  I've done the half marathon before and really love the course.  I would love to do the entire marathon one day.  The half marathon is flat and runs through some very quaint, old neighborhoods and then along Government Street, Spring Hill Avenue and back in on Dauphin Street. I've heard the full marathon has some hills.

It was overcast, warm and humid, but not overwhelming.  I prefer warm to cold any day!  It was fun and everybody out there was friendly and seemed to be in good spirits.  Even The Murph made a comment about how everyone seemed to be having a good time.  I think it was because it wasn't freezing cold like Chickamauga Marathon and Mercedes Half was last year.  Maybe people are in a better mood when they aren't freezing.  I know I'm happier.

We dropped the Boy off at school on Saturday evening and tried to purchase his books, but the bookstore was closed.  I hope the Boy doesn't have any trouble getting them Monday.  This is the first time he will have to do it himself and sign up for a meal plan.  He didn't want to do it by himself and I am worried too, of course.  At some point he needs to get out of his comfort zone and do it himself.  It's not like he doesn't know where to go or how to do it.  This will be the fourth semester he's had to do it.

I started worrying about it on the way home today.  The Murph says I do way to much for him and he needs to do things for himself.  I have to agree on this one thing.  It would be different if the Boy did not know where to go or how to do it.  He knows what he's suppose to do, he just feels more comfortable when I'm there helping him.

I can't really blame him.  That little old lady at the bookstore can be very intimidating, but he has to deal with her because she's in charge of the financial aid distribution.  She doesn't take crap from him.  He didn't have his class schedule printed out when he went to get the books and she made him print it out so she could make sure the books were for those particular approved classes.  She wouldn't except just looking at them from his phone.  We had to find a printer and print it out.  I had already told him before we left the house to print it out, but he didn't listen to me.

I guess I need to text him and remind him to print that thing out before he goes to the book store.  Yes, helicopter parent I am!

More First Light Marathon/Half Marathon pictures below.  A short, but fun trip!

Don't Call My Son Stupid!

I apologize in advance for my vents, but when the Boy is home sometimes I need to vent.  This time it's not anything the Boy did at all.  For the small amount of time I've spent with him, he's been great.  I just wish he'd get back on a sleep during the night, stay awake during the day schedule.  What's bugging me now is the level of uneducated ignorance that exits in this world when it comes to people on the Autism spectrum.

Yesterday was a tough day.  I really wish people were more understanding of the Boy's many quirks and sometimes his argumentativeness that borders on rudeness.  Even knowing he has Asperger's doesn't seem to matter.  I still get hit with "it's not Asperger's, that's just an EXCUSE."  I guess if someone has a broken leg and can't walk then that's "just an excuse" too.  I am so sick of it I could scream!   Asperger's is a real problem and he has issues with social skills.  Get it!

I think the Boy is oblivious to these people and their ignorant attitudes, so I'm the only one banging my head against the wall so to speak.  It seems that the judgmental attitude should have ended when he got diagnosed with a very real problem.   You can look at him and see there's a problem.  Why be so ugly and mean about it?  

The social awkwardness slowly seemed to magnify as he became an adult.  I don't know how to help him with that just like I didn't know what to do when he was kid.  Now there are programs for autistic children that weren't there for him when he was that age.  One day I'm sure there will be programs for young adults that just aren't out there now.  He's ahead of the curve and that's not a good thing.

Today the Boy had an appointment with Dr. W, his psychiatrist.  Insurance does not cover any of it so we have to pay the entire bill.  The Boy missed his appointment before Christmas because he was at his dad's house and I couldn't get his dad to take him to the appointment.  I had forgotten about it until the day of the appointment and tried to cancel the appointment when I couldn't get in touch with the Boy and his dad wouldn't go home and wake him up.  Of course, I was charged for that missed visit as well as this one.  Fortunately, Dr. W only charged me half for the missed visit.   Does the Boy's dad help with any of this?  Heck no!  He can't even be bothered to take him to the appointment ever.

On the way home from the appointment, The Boy and I were talking about the Boy's college housing for next Fall.  This year he went from the dorm to an apartment right off campus.  This has been a lot more money than I thought it would be and the Boy is depending on his dad to help with rent.  The Boy said he asked his dad for the rent when he was over there for dinner the other night and his dad told him he didn't have the money.  Another lie!   

 The Boy had his friend W, there to witness this.  W's dad is totally involved in his son's college and pays for everything his scholarship doesn't pay for, including buying him a car and paying the insurance, etc.  It really hurts the Boy when he sees this and he then sees how his dad treats him.  There's nothing I can do to make his dad help out more except maybe take him to court which would cost me a lot of money and may not amount to anything.

The Boy knows he will have to go back into the dorm next year because he can't afford the apartment.  I just don't get it.  How does that man sleep at night?  We're not talking about that much money because the Boy's financial aid covers almost everything.  I just don't get it!

One more vent then I'll stop, I promise!

Please don't call my son stupid, especially when he may hear you.  Call me anything you want, but watch out when you talk about my son.  Anyone who calls a special needs person "stupid" is the lowest of the low.  Who's the real stupid one?

Not my son!

I'm Going To Brag Now

This is the Boy when he was one.  It is NOT a little girl and that is Not a dress (it's a one piece jumper thingy and has snaps up the legs) despite what some certain people may say..  

I've been bragging all over Facebook and Twitter about The Boy's grades this semester.  Now it seems only proper that I do a blog post in honor of him.  For the first time in his life, he has made all A's and B's.  Not only that, he made the dean's list this semester with a 3.5 GPA which brought his overall GPA up over 3.0.  I can only hope this upward trend continues!  He has a really tough schedule for Spring with a Business Statistics class, a Technical Writing class, a History class as well as a computer/IT class.  Whew!  He will probably need a note taker for his History class and this is one accommodation that the college refused to give him but it is on the list of needs from Alabama Rehab.  I hope it's not going to be too much of a battle to get them to add this one accommodation.  The Boy does have a recorder that he can record the class lecture and one of those pens that records as he takes notes as well.  He didn't need it fall semester, but he will for spring semester.

He now has enough hours officially to be considered a sophomore and one of his classes was a 300 level (Junior) class and he did great!  Three of his classes were Computer or Information Technology related and one was a Speech -group communications class.  I can tell you I was worried about that one, but he pulled through with a B!  I am so proud!  He's called me three times from his dad's to tell me he made the dean's list.  He's really proud too.

I saw him briefly this past Monday when his dad dropped him off because we had a phone interview with SSI and I couldn't do it for him without him being here since he is now considered an adult.  I had also received a questionnaire from his high school.  They were doing a survey of all the recent graduates and wanted to know what the students were doing now and how they felt about their days at the high school.  Questions like do they feel the school prepared them in writing, math, etc.  Also drug related questions.  I read the questions to the Boy and he had to choose how he felt on a scale from A to D.  He was extremely negative about the school on the first few questions to the point where I felt it was a little too negative.  I told him that the high school must have prepared him at least a little if he's doing this good in college.  He thought for a moment and lightened up a little on the school, but he still didn't feel they did that good a job.  

One of the questions on the survey was "do you feel the guidance office was helpful?".  The Boy looked at me puzzled and said "what guidance office?  I didn't even know there was a guidance office!"  I know he must have known at some point where the guidance office was, but I have to admit there was at least one guidance counselor at the school that I didn't really like.  She always seemed too busy for us and wasn't really helpful at all.  Unfortunately, this particular counselor started off with the freshmen when the Boy was a freshman and moved right along with him for most of the years.  I didn't have much to do with her.  Like I said, she wasn't helpful.  Just bothered and impatient.  (I'm being nice because what I REALLY mean is she was a Bitch!) 

 It probably wouldn't have made much of a difference if the Boy had known where the guidance office was located.

I've known that the Boy was capable of far better grades than he got in high school.  To me this proves it.  Not just this semester but last year he did really well in his English comp classes.  The school was not set up to teach the way the Boy needed it to be so he could learn and excel.  He had far too many classes going on at once.  It would have been better for him to have just 3 or 4 concentrated classes for one semester and then the other 3 or 4 the next semester instead of dragging out  English, Math, Science, History or Electives all year long giving him 6 or 7 classes to deal with all at the same time.  He had to go to summer school three or four summers and he actually liked it better because he only had 1 or 2 classes.   I think he's the only kid in the world who liked summer school!  I would have died if I had to go to summer school while I was in high school or middle school.

He loved it!!

Anyway he's out of that high school now, thank you, God!  Yes, I did pray about it a lot and I still do.  I'm praying for college success now.  Prayers work!

Sunday Things- Wedding Music, Hurricane Isaac, Long Run...

Just when I get one thing checked off the wedding list another 100 things seem to pop up out of nowhere!  I have spent the past two days trying to decide on songs for the ceremony, which florist to use, getting the house cleaned out for family staying here, etc.  The only songs left to decide on are the processional songs for the bridesmaid and then for me.  No way am I doing the boring Wagner wedding march from lohengrin.  Du du dudu du du dudu.



No way!

I really don't understand why that song is so popular since it comes from such a sad, tragic story.  Not to mention I read somewhere today that Wagner was actually anti-Semite.  Basically a Nazi and I don't mean like the Running Nazi.  A REAL one!

I could go with something very traditional, kind of boring, but still very beautiful such as Pachebel's Canon in D, but I am hoping to find something more unique to me.



  I love the Butterfly Waltz by Brian Crain with piano and cello.  Beautiful!




The Murph is coming down the aisle to a more fun song and I may find something fun for the bridesmaids.  I think for me I should stay with something classic, beautiful and well...  bride like.  Unless I find something too fun to resist.  Any ideas?  I'm desperate!!

In between wedding song researching, I did get to run with the Running Nazi this morning.  We did our usual 12 mile loop and got caught up on things since I NEVER see her anymore since she got the new job.  It was nice catching up with her.  I hope she likes the bridesmaid dress!  It's my gift to her since she will probably hate it but wear it anyway for me and say she loves it of course.

I am also very worried about The Boy.  Tropical Storm Isaac is suppose to turn into a hurricane and it's heading straight toward the gulf coast.  My mom has already sent me an email from the governor declaring a state of emergency which I forwarded to The Boy.  I hope this system turns and goes somewhere else.  If this hurricane hits Pensacola Beach it will be the first one since The Murph bought the condo down there.  He bought it after Hurricane Ivan which totally devastated Pensacola Beach, FL, Gulf Shores and Orange Beach, AL several years ago.  It was heartbreaking to see all the things we loved destroyed.

I don't like hurricanes.

Once the hurricanes come ashore and move inland, we can get very dangerous weather as far north as here in Birmingham.  Tornadoes, torrential rains.  The first time my basement flooded was during several days of rain from a hurricane.  During one of the last hard rains that came through here, The Boy woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me the ceiling was leaking down in his room.  And his room is at the bottom of the house, three stories down.  I think it must have leaked through the fireplace which was right above where the water came through.  I can't even imagine what days of rain from a hurricane system will do.

The Boy does seem very happy with his choice of living arrangements this year in college.  I feel better that he's around other people and not isolated in a private dorm room.  He's called or emailed me several times letting me know of things he needs.  I have some things to send him this week.

During the move, his laptop screen got cracked even though he boxed it up with padding.  At first his dad didn't want to take care of it and apparently it isn't covered by insurance.  Now, however, his dad is helping him take care of it.  He does work for a computer company!  The Boy said it doesn't cost much to replace a computer screen.  That's good because when he first told me the computer was cracked I thought he was going to need an entirely new laptop.

The Boy loves all his classes.  Not surprising since most of them are computer related.  I do miss him though!

I have a feeling this is going to be a very busy week!

Last Week's A Blur

Strapless version of dress with the tie on skirt

Last week is a little bit of a blur now, but we got The Boy moved into his apartment, barely.  He got his accommodations form filled out at special student services by himself since it was closed by the time we  got his meal plan and books squared away.

We interviewed three different wedding florists and have picked one of them out.  We got the photographer booked.  I ordered the bridesmaid dresses, but when I went to order them, I found out that it would take 8 weeks to get the dresses in since it was a new Jim Hjelm design so I had to choose another dress.

I liked the detachable skirt idea so I asked the Bridesmaid shop if they had anything like the Jim Hjelm design that I could get in faster and they suggested this Pretty Maids design from the House of Wu.  It comes in fuschia.  We put it on rush order so it will be delivered by Sept. 10 and I could choose strapless, halter, regular straps, short tie on skirt or long tie on skirt.  I choose halter with long skirt.

One of the bridesmaid's preferred halter, but we couldn't find any halter designs until now.  Also, if she doesn't like the tie on skirt, she doesn't have to wear it.  And as you can see, there is no ruching so nobody is going to look "fat".  Except me because the dress I'm changing into for the reception has draping that is kind of like ruching.  I hope I am spelling ruching correctly.  It isn't coming up on spell check.

Halter neck dress without the skirt

Personally, I love the dress.  The Girl said she liked it.  I haven't heard from The Running Nazi, my other bridesmaid, but generally we like the same styles.

Now we have bands and DJ's to choose and I'm going with my mom this week to find something for her to wear.

I haven't heard from The Boy yet, but his classes start today.  We have to move the rest of his things down in a couple of weeks.  He wants his mountain bike since he's a little further from his classes this year.  He said he didn't want a television.  We had no room for it on the first trip and had planned to bring it to him the next trip.  It is very surprising that he doesn't want it because he sleeps with it on.  When he's here it never goes off even when we get on to him about leaving it on when he isn't using it.

Strange, but it might be a good thing for him not having a television on all the time.

Black Toilet Paper

Seriously, that is black toilet paper in that photo above.  The black toilet paper rolls were not only on that window ledge, but in various strategic places all over the restroom.  I was so fascinated, I had to take a picture for my blog.

The other day The Murph and I were busy checking off wedding vendors right and left.  We checked our invitation proofs at the invitation place, interviewed and booked a wedding photographer, looked at wedding bands, ordered bridesmaid dresses and interviewed three florists and now we are are about to go over their individual estimates.

This very, cool and unique black toilet paper was in the restroom of one of those florist/design studio.  I had to pee really bad and was directed through this really cool place stocked with neat furniture, pictures, artwork, floral arrangements, cushions, you name it.  I was itching to pull my camera out of my handbag and start shooting pictures for potential blog photos, but restrained myself until I got to the restroom.  I lost total control of camera restraint when I entered the restroom which was decorated very uniquely and totally way cooler than our entire house.

So after I relieved myself, I took two bathroom photos and hoped nobody would see the flash under the door crack and think I am weirder than I actually am.  A fellow blogger would understand, but not so sure about the floral design guy.

I really dug the black toilet paper!  (they had white for regular use)

Today we move The Boy back to college, but tomorrow we are going over the three estimates from the different florists we talked too.  I know which florist I am leaning toward.  I mean who wouldn't want to hire a florist with black toilet paper in their restroom to do the floral arrangements for your wedding?

The Girl Graduates From College

We had an exciting weekend especially Saturday!  The Girl graduated from college.  The Murph is such a proud papa.  The weather cooperated and it was a beautiful and sunny day.  The ceremony started early before the heat made things unbearable.  The Murph and I behaved and hopefully weren't too much of an embarrassment.  Actually, the Murph and I are pretty cool so I'm sure we are definitely never an embarrassment to the "kids."

I am really thrilled that nowThe Girl is planning on attending graduate school and getting a Masters in Music Therapy.  I think this is the perfect field for her and she will be working with Autism and Alzheimer patients who really need this kind of therapy.

I have to say I'm a little jealous of The Murph.  He had it so easy with The Girl.  No IEP meetings, no messy parent/teacher conferences, no homework fights or up at midnight doing last minute projects you didn't know about.  The list goes on and on!

From my experience it seems girls in general are easier when it comes to schooling, but girl's without special needs, who make good grades and do their work and are responsible are so I've died and gone to heaven easier.  If only The Boy had been that easy.  Those 10 years would be added back on to my life!

One down, one to go!  And he is TROUBLE!!  His grades last semester are good so I can't complain.  Issues and drama have already started and he hasn't even been home long.  One big thing he is having a hard time adapting too is that the kitchen here is not the same as his school cafeteria. It's also not a restaurant.  We don't take orders.

We plan what we are going to eat, we cook, we eat.  If he doesn't want what we are serving, he doesn't have to eat it.  He can make himself a sandwich.  We don't cook multiple things.  There is no menu.

He needs to learn how to make himself a sandwich.

There are numerous other issues including getting a summer job.  He wants one, it's just hard trying to find one it seems.  That's the project this week.

Helicopter Parent

Yesterday someone I went to high school with who is now a college professor updated her status on facebook with -


"Dear helicopter parents of the 1990s: thanks so much for making college teaching harder. Explaining there are no trophies for showing up and that rules apply to everyone makes for a long, tedious day."


I was confused because I had no freaking clue what a helicopter parent was.  No clue.  So being the inquisitive, google savvy person that I am, I did a google search of the term and learned that a helicopter parent is one that is overly involved in their children's lives to the point that they smother the child by their "hovering" much like a helicopter hovers.


These parents are the ones that never let their children out of their sight to play outside because they might get hurt or abducted.  Jungle gyms and swing sets can be too dangerous and so they are banned from the playground.  If a teacher grades the child's work too harshly the parent is at the school to confront them.


 As the children get older these parents pick colleges, majors, fill out applications, etc for these children.  Parents have even been known to negotiate salaries for their adult children getting their first jobs.  


This kind of over involvement cripples the child making it almost impossible to make any decisions in their lives.  They have no respect for authority figures and they grow up feeling entitled.  Shouldn't they get extra credit just for showing up to class?  Those deadlines don't really apply to them,  do they?  


 I can understand why this would drive college professors and employers crazy.


My heart sank when I read all those things because I came to a very disturbing realization.  


 Oh no!  That's me!!  I'm a helicopter parent! 


Now I have the correct terminology for something I have been for years.  And college professors HATE me.  Now I understand why The Boy's college tried (notice I said "tried") to refuse to talk to me last summer when I was doing whatever I could to get him accepted last minute into the college he decided he wanted to go to. (I thought he wanted to go to a Junior college near home for a year or two).  He changed his mind. 


 Now I know why the college wouldn't let any parents within a 20 mile radius when it was time for the student's to register for fall classes at orientation. 


 Now I know why after a brief intro meeting the first morning of orientation, the took the students in one direction and put all the parents in a big bus and sent us on a "tour".


My one saving point is that I didn't become a helicopter parent willingly.  Really, I didn't.  It was a necessity brought on by the fact The Boy has Asperger's.  I did encourage The Boy to become independent and do things on his own.  I would push, but I would always be nearby.  In part because if I wasn't nearby The Boy would refuse to participate in birthday parties, sports, playing outside, swimming etc.  


Believe me, I would rather NOT know what the top of the tunnel in the germ filled playground at McDonald's or the inside of the ball pit at Chuck E Cheeses is like.  Fact is if I didn't agree to go up in them, The Boy never would have either.  And bribery doesn't work.  I tried.


It is a fine line for parents with children with special needs to walk.  On the one hand we want our children to become independent, but on the way they do need us more than other children.  Does that really make me fall into the helicopter parent definition?  I hope not.  I took this survey online to find out if I fit the definition of helicopter parent (yes, I'm that paranoid) and the results were that I have found a balance.  


Whew!  What a relief!  To think for a second I might be one of THOSE! 


This helicopter parent phenomena really explains a lot though.  Now I know why the outside park down the street doesn't have real grass.  It has this fake squishy stuff that looks like grass but has cushioning for falls so no little tyke gets bruised or scraped up.  What was our parents thinking when they made us climb on jungle gyms with packed dirt or gravel down below?  Or concrete!   


The Murph and I were in the park a while back and went over to the playground to check out all the fancy play stuff.  A kid's dream world.  And all we had was plain silver bars to climb on when we were kids.  If you fell off one you fell on dirt and broke your arm.  Did our parents just not love us enough?


Now I realize this is the perfect example of a playground designed by our generation, the helicopter parents to help preserve and protect and smother and cripple the next generation, our kids.


Don't get me wrong, the playground is AWESOME!  I wish I had that as a kid.  I feel deprived!  I can't say I turned out ok.  I guess I did though.  My mother never had to do any of my homework for me and she didn't negotiate my salary in my first job out of college (although I sure wish somebody would have) and I 'm certainly not negotiating The Boy's salary when he gets out of college.  


His dad will have to do that.