Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Consequences


The Boy's neglected car
Hasn't moved from this spot since last December.


The Boy was suspiciously quiet for most of last week and all weekend.  I hadn't heard from him since sometime last week, except a "hi" or a "meow" or two on Skype.  Random responses to my, "How are things going?" and other questions seem to go ignored and unanswered lately.

To be honest, I have been so busy with last minute wedding preparations, that I really haven't had that much of a chance to skype with The Boy.  He must be busy at school too because he's not calling me either.  With two room mates this year, he's not as lonely and he's learning some good lessons on how to live well with others. ( I hope!)

Today he called me out of the blue to tell me he's sending his resume to career services at the school and therefore, he will be getting a job soon.  His question to me, that had prompted this call, was, "How was he going to get to work since he doesn't have a car?"  Basically, he was once again asking me to buy him a car.

Yeah right!  This is not the first and certainly won't be the last time he tries that one.  The "car issue" has been an ongoing thing at this house for awhile.

First of all, let me point out that he has an old Jaguar out in the driveway rotting away.  It sat in the driveway at our other house for a year until I sold the house last December.  The purchasers of the house actually asked me if I was leaving the Jag.  It was obviously neglected, half on the driveway, half in the backyard, with ants homesteading under the hood.

We had to have the car towed before the closing for The Boy, since he was still at school.  The Murph put in a new alternator for him and drove it to its new home.  This is where the car has been sitting, neglected since last December.  The Murph and I jump started it once last Spring.  Other than that, it hasn't been touched.

Lonely neglect
During all that time, The Boy didn't give a rat's ass about the old Jag because The Murph was nice enough to let him drive one of his cars, a newer and much nicer Mercedes with 380 hp, no electrical issues and a working radio and air conditioner.   It's no wonder the jag was abandoned!  The Boy had it made.  A nice car to drive, no payments, no insurance, all he had to do was put gas in it.  The gas part he complained about endlessly.

And he had his Jag sitting in the driveway that we encouraged him to sell and invest the money for college.

He never did.  That's probably a good thing because it wasn't long before he yelled at me and said some very disrespectful things.  The Murph didn't tolerate that one bit and told The Boy, " That's it!  No more Mercedes."

Things cooled off and I convinced The Murph to let The Boy have the Mercedes back and The Murph, being the nice guy he is, handed the keys back to The Boy.

This lasted a couple of months and The Boy was disrespectful again to me and still complaining about having to put gas in the car on top of that.  After two more times of losing the keys for yelling at me and then getting them back, The Murph said, "That's it.  No more.  Enough is enough.  No more Mercedes."  It's getting sold to help pay for the wedding.

Sooooooo...  when The Boy calls me today about that "car issue" again, I had to say, "What do you want ME to do?  I've done all I can for you on that issue and you blew it."

 Consequences.

I hated having to do it.  I really want to help him just like the past 200 times I've helped him, but his disrespectfulness was in part related to the car/cars issue.  It's tough, but I know I'm doing the right thing.  The Murph is not letting him disrespect me and I am not letting him disrespect The Murph, which he did in a BIG way.  No appreciation at all for what The Murph was doing for him.  More than his own dad was doing for him. (which is almost nothing)  

I told The Boy that I had given him access to two cars.  He still has one (the Jag) that is in his name to do with what he wants.  I'm out.

I gave him some options of things he could do with the Jag___  fix it up, get insurance on it and drive it or trade it in on another used car once he gets a job and can make payments.  We've even offered to pitch in some money if his dad will match it, to help The Boy buy another car.

His dad has already turned that offer down more than once.

I can only hope that The Boy has learned something from this.  To appreciate what he has, to be grateful when someone does something for him and to treat family and friends with more respect.  I know he has Asperger's, but he had more than enough chances and warnings.

He's going to have to figure it out now.  We will do what we can to help, but from now on he's going to have to have some "skin in the game."

To be honest, I am kind of glad he doesn't have a car down there.  I know he's grown and he needs a car, but it is one less thing to worry about!

6 comments:

  1. The Jag issue is another good lesson for him to learn. And he will.. :)

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  2. You know, sometimes the hardest lesson is letting go. Letting them make mistakes and letting them figure it out on their own. Still doesn't make it any easier though, does it? Hugs.

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks! I just hope he finally gets it.

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