Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow... Or Rather Gone Last Night Sometime Before Midnight

We didn't have candles so we used matches. The top two = 20 and the bottom one = 1 = 21!
The Boy spent a couple of days with us during the Memorial Day weekend partly because he was bored and out of food at his college apartment and partly because his birthday is this Wednesday and he needed to get around as many family members as possible to get his birthday loot aka MONEY!! Money to buy food since his meal plan for last semester is over.

Sunday I took him out to eat at his favorite Mexican restaurant, Margarita Grill. The same place I went with the Babysitter for Cinco de Mayo and had to leave sans my taco salad because of the wildness of the place. Sunday it was calmer and a very nice day for outdoor dining as well.

Below are some fuzzy pics taken with my new Iphone 5. I now have Instagram. Hope that works better...
Chicken Chimichanga

This time I got my chicken taco salad and ate almost every bit of it. The first time ever accomplishing that feat.  The Boy got a chicken chimichanga with rice and beans and of course we got chips, salsa and cheese dip.  Later we had birthday cake and the first thing the Boy said was, "Why blue roses?" I tell him it's because he's a boy and the other alternative was pink roses. He was cool with the pink roses he tells me. Oh well, too bad. Next year I'll get pink!

Chicken taco salad

On Monday, he and the friend that he was riding back to school with decide they are going to leave around 9 pm, after the Boy gets back from eating out at his other favorite place, The Cheesecake Factory, with his dad and grandparents. I tried to convince him to stay at least until this morning, but he said his friend really wanted to go back Monday night.  Then at 10 pm when the Boy still wasn't home or packed to go back to school, I text him telling him he needed to wait until Tuesday morning to leave since it was so late and he still wasn't home yet.

No response.

Around 10:30 pm the two show up at the house to get the Boy's stuff preparing to head back to school that night which meant they wouldn't get to school until 2:30 in the morning. When I tell him no, it's too late, he called me a jerk and said the PLAN was to go back that night. Staying would screw up the PLAN! He can't mess up the PLAN!!

Neither the Murph nor I could convince them to stay at least until morning even though I felt driving that late was dangerous and I didn't like it one bit.

After much name calling (apparently I'm a huge jerk), I finally tell him he's an adult (21 years old tomorrow!) and could do what he wanted, but I still didn't think it was a good idea. His friend said he wasn't tired one bit since he'd just woke up at 3 pm and would be okay to drive that late, he's driven it before at 4 am, he said.  I told them I was getting ready to go to bed so they needed to be out before I was finished so I could set the alarm.

When the Boy got all packed up he came upstairs to tell me good-bye and wanted to know if he should call me when he got to school. I told him at 2 in the morning I would be asleep, but to text me to let me know he had gotten there safely. He said okay.

In the morning, no text. No text until he finally woke up sometime after noon.

While I really want him to be independent and to do things for himself, I know that things can still happen. He has Asperger's and sometimes not the best judgement. The Murph still says I'm a helicopter parent, but I don't think that applies to me at all anymore. I've loosened the reigns and allowed the Boy to be more independent than I probably would have if I was still single and it was just the two of us. In a way, that's been a good thing for both of us.

The Boy still depends on me to get his financial aid in order for the upcoming school years. Since we just got our federal income tax return back, I had to go to UPS to fax a copy to the school. While we were there, the Murph was telling the owner of the store what a helicopter parent I was by doing all the work for the Boy. I defend myself by saying, "I have to be a little bit of a helicopter parent because my son has Asperger's, have you ever heard of it, it's on the autism spectrum?"

The owner nodded her head toward her daughter who was in the back working on a computer and said,  "She has Asperger's. I don't have to be a helicopter parent because she's right there with me all the time."

I started talking to the daughter who had helped us several times when we were in the store and she told me that she had been to a private college for about a year but had to quit because of severe depression and anxiety. So severe she couldn't even go to class. I told her that the Boy had experienced the same thing his first year and had to go on anti-depressants.

It also helped that he has a friend at the same college that he's known since 3rd grade. They now share an apartment with one other person, but have their own private bedroom and bathroom. It's almost like him having his own private dorm room, which he liked, but more homey and not so lonely because there are others to share a common area with whenever he feels like coming out of his room. (I don't know if any of them come out of their room that often except to go to class though).

I'm really glad the Boy is doing well and WANTS to get back to his own apartment and school. It could have so easily gone the other way and he could be back at home. Fortunately (I guess),  he doesn't even like it here anymore. It's tough sometimes knowing when to let go and when to pull in the reigns. As the Boy gets older it is REALLY tough! He still needs me when he needs me, yet he needs me to back away when he needs me to back away. It's usually up to me to figure it out.

I might not like it sometimes, but I think that this "helicopter parent" is doing her job helicopter or not!


  1. It sounds like you are doing just fine to me. You have to hang on a little longer than normal due to the circumstances, but you are giving him the space he needs.

    I don't like people driving at night either!

    1. It's tough because he's not real chaarming right now! I guess they made it okay because he finally responded to my text with just one word - "ya".

  2. Reading your post made me very anxious. I too want my son to have independence, especially as he gets older. But as that time gets closer, I find myself more and more nervous about him being alone. Just today my wife and son were cuddling on the couch and then we talked about how it wouldn't be long before he was too cool for that type of stuff. When you said that your son was turning 21 I pictured my son at that age, and I hope Jacob is independent like yours. Oh, and I'm a big jerk sometimes too.

    1. My son still likes to cuddle and sit on my lap (he tries at least!) when he is home. I don't know if that will ever change. You have lots more time before Jacob goes off on his own. When my son was that age I use to panic thinking about him ever going off on his own. At some point they get so obnoxious to be around that you're okay with them going off on their own when the time comes. Natures way of making it easier on us parents I guess. :)

  3. You are doing an outstanding job. The Boy has come a long way. Belated birthday wishes to him!
    And congrats on getting an iPhone 5. Aren't they great? :D


    1. I am loving the iphone 5! So easy to use!