We had a very short conversation since she was going in one direction and I was going in the other, but it got me to thinking about why I do these races. Especially the long triathlon ones. (aka the Ironman) She mentioned running in this same upcoming race last year. I remember last year. I was in major burn out from all the Ironman Canada training I had been doing all summer. I haven't figured out how to continually train long and utilize the endurance I have for other races after competing in an Ironman. I could do the physical part, but it's the mental part that I haven't been able to control. The mental part is the most important part.
Also, Ironman training just trained my legs to run slow. All that running on tired, dead legs after biking 50 - 100 miles or swimming for a couple of hours, then biking , then running. Slow, tired, worn out legs.
So last year, six months after doing Ironman Canada, I was miserably facing this 1/2 marathon and cussing the Running Nazi for "talking me into" signing up. (she didn't really, but I have to blame someone, otherwise it all just doesn't make sense) It's ironic that this year I was cussing her because she signed up early and didn't tell me. (can't wait to show the Running Nazi the bridesmaid dress I picked out for her.) I signed up Tuesday and by Wednesday the race was full. Barely made it! Last year I would've jumped for joy that I didn't make it! Guess I'm not burned out anymore.
As I was running my short four mile run today, I was thinking about the total burn out I felt this time last year. Even all through this past year, I have done a few races and not much training. Why do I keep signing up? I thought maybe it's just an addiction. Maybe I have no control. But what if I overcame the addiction and then didn't race or train anymore. I don't think I would like that too much. I love being fit. I use to love biking and I do love how running makes me feel. At first I wished I could just stop doing any of it and not feel bad that I'm not doing it anymore. Then I realized it's not that I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to be fast. I use to love racing and training more when I was fast. I would love it again if I could just get faster.
So during that run while I listened to sappy love songs on my ipod, I figured it all out. I just need to get fast again. Then I will love it all over again. All that training - love swimming, love biking, love running for hours and hours and hours. Love, love, love all the hours and hours and miles and miles.
It's not an addiction at all......
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